April 19th, 2023
by Andy Bailey
by Andy Bailey
Why is parenting so difficult? Some days are better than others. However, if we are honest, everyday is some type of mixture of good and difficult. Now, notice I said “difficult” and not “bad”. Parenting may be difficult, but it is not a bad thing. Scripture tells us it is a blessing:
“Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them!” Psalm 127:3-5
Since being a parent is a blessing, parents are called to an additional responsibility. They must train up the child and show them the way to go (Proverbs 22:6). In this way, children are like “arrows in the hand of a warrior”. Their target? The spreading of God’s glory to an unregenerate world (Psalm 78:4).
That might be the end goal, but many parents of young children probably feel as though they have a while to go before they are ready to shoot these arrows out into the world. Which brings us back to our question at hand. Why is parenting so difficult? Here are a few reasons.
1. Children are sinners like we are.
“None is righteous, no, not one; no one understands; no one seeks for God.” Romans 3:10-11
When Scripture says there is “none” righteous, that includes sweet little babies with chubby cheeks. “None” is a hard word to get around. It is encompassing of all humans regardless of age, demographic, stage of development, or intelligence.
The first answer to why parenting is difficult is that our children are sinners. Part B of this answer, is that we are also sinners.
Proverbs 22:15 tells us “Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him”
Proper discipline can drive folly from the child, but the child starts with a default setting of “folly”. It is "bound up in" their hearts. This is an inherited condition from Adam (1 Corinthians 15:22), and the only cure is the good news of Christ. Just as Adam’s curse after the fall was difficulty in his labor (Genesis 3:17-19), Eve’s curse was difficulty in childbearing (Genesis 3:16). I think we can naturally extend Eve’s difficulty to child raising as well. So, this means that when you are a parent, you are parenting someone who is prone to disobey you, rebel against your rule, and seek after their own path. Parenting becomes a difficult balance of discipline and encouragement to steer them on the right path.
2. Change is hard.
“So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day.” 2 Corinthians 4:16
Anyone who has ever converted to Christianity can tell you, it is a slow and difficult process to slay your sins and put them to rest. Add on top of that, we are never fully done with the task. So, parenting is hard, because change is hard. Remember to be patient with your children and show them the grace that Christ has shown you.
“Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times.” Matthew 18:21-22
3. We are selfish.
“Then Jesus told his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.” Matthew 16:24
Only yesterday, I was playing my 7-year-old son at chess, and he absolutely slaughtered me. Needless to say, I wasn’t happy about the game. I should have told him how good he was getting and encouraged him. Instead, I quickly went back into my office and continued to work.
We are selfish. Think about the last few times you have gotten frustrated with your children. Are they not circumstances where you were trying to do one thing that you thought was important, and your child required attention to be given to them instead?
A major reason why parenting is difficult is not because of our children, but because we are selfish. We live in a society that encourages selfish behavior and diminishes the value of family time. As a society, we drop our children off at school for the day, pick them up, take them to the daycare at the gym, and pick them up an hour later. We cram some food in their mouths just in time to put them to bed. The result is that many kids only get family time on the weekends. Even on the weekends, parents rely on the church to teach their children Scripture and they do not take up the sword in their own home (Hebrews 4:12-14, Ephesians 6:4). Society has ripped away all teaching and leading responsibility from parents.
Teachers, daycare workers, and grandparents end up watching our children more than we do.
There is a fine line between “needing rest and alone time” and “failing to do our God given job”. Of course, you need rest. Of course, you will need some breaks. But when does it cross the line? As a family, you should have expectations about where that line exists. If other people are spending more time with your child than you are, then they are raising your child more than you are. This is simple math. If other people are spending more time with your child than you are, then they are shaping your child more than you are.
Being a parent means that sometimes our desires are put on hold. The world wants to convince you this is a bad thing. However, Scripture tells us that self-denial is a mark of a disciplined Christian (Proverbs 12:1, 1 John 2:15, James 4:4, Hebrews 12:11).
4. Culture is spiraling downward.
Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. Romans 12:2
As social media continues to rage, the world only becomes more and more connected. While there is some redeeming quality to this, it also gives degeneracy easy access into your home. A lot does not need to be said at this point. This point is self-evident.
As society continues into the spiral that it is in, Christian parents have difficult decisions to make. These ethical decisions involve matters of increasing tech and A.I., social media, identity issues, the value of life, nihilism, the role of government, and society's growing hatred for God. There are difficult days ahead for Christian parents.
5. Spiritual disciplines are fading amongst Christians.
My son, do not despise the Lord's discipline or be weary of his reproof, for the Lord reproves him whom he loves, as a father the son in whom he delights. Proverbs 3:11-12
Sometimes it is important for us to remember this fact: we are not the first Christians. As Christians, we are not in isolation. If you could take a peek in a Christian household two-hundred years ago, you would see a rich heritage that has tragically ended. Parents used to take their children through Scripture every evening. They used to catechize their children. They used to pray with their children. They used to engage in theological conversation to stimulate Biblical understanding.
In the modern Christian family home, it is rare for the family to all pray together. When prayer is done, it is an obligatory prayer before dinner. Let’s be honest: everyone is just thinking about the food.
In the modern Christian family home, it is rare to see the family read Scripture together. Simply put: the main culprit of a lack of family Bible reading is that most parents do not understand Scripture well enough to explain it to their children. This is an unfortunate reality.
Parenting is hard. But do you want to know what you can do to make it easier? 1.) Read Scripture yourself. Often. 2.) Read Scripture with your family. Let it cut you up (Hebrews 4:12-14). Be vulnerable to it’s authority. As you read Scripture, pair prayer along with it. If you do these two disciplines (Scripture and prayer), you will be on the right track in your parenting. Other dominoes will fall afterward.
It is a difficult task. But it is also an amazing one.
Need more help in your parenting? Don’t we all! Join us for our upcoming ROC Classes on Parenting in Proverbs. Teaching series starts 4/23 at 9:00-9:30 in The Well Classroom for six weeks.
“Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them!” Psalm 127:3-5
Since being a parent is a blessing, parents are called to an additional responsibility. They must train up the child and show them the way to go (Proverbs 22:6). In this way, children are like “arrows in the hand of a warrior”. Their target? The spreading of God’s glory to an unregenerate world (Psalm 78:4).
That might be the end goal, but many parents of young children probably feel as though they have a while to go before they are ready to shoot these arrows out into the world. Which brings us back to our question at hand. Why is parenting so difficult? Here are a few reasons.
1. Children are sinners like we are.
“None is righteous, no, not one; no one understands; no one seeks for God.” Romans 3:10-11
When Scripture says there is “none” righteous, that includes sweet little babies with chubby cheeks. “None” is a hard word to get around. It is encompassing of all humans regardless of age, demographic, stage of development, or intelligence.
The first answer to why parenting is difficult is that our children are sinners. Part B of this answer, is that we are also sinners.
Proverbs 22:15 tells us “Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him”
Proper discipline can drive folly from the child, but the child starts with a default setting of “folly”. It is "bound up in" their hearts. This is an inherited condition from Adam (1 Corinthians 15:22), and the only cure is the good news of Christ. Just as Adam’s curse after the fall was difficulty in his labor (Genesis 3:17-19), Eve’s curse was difficulty in childbearing (Genesis 3:16). I think we can naturally extend Eve’s difficulty to child raising as well. So, this means that when you are a parent, you are parenting someone who is prone to disobey you, rebel against your rule, and seek after their own path. Parenting becomes a difficult balance of discipline and encouragement to steer them on the right path.
2. Change is hard.
“So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day.” 2 Corinthians 4:16
Anyone who has ever converted to Christianity can tell you, it is a slow and difficult process to slay your sins and put them to rest. Add on top of that, we are never fully done with the task. So, parenting is hard, because change is hard. Remember to be patient with your children and show them the grace that Christ has shown you.
“Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times.” Matthew 18:21-22
3. We are selfish.
“Then Jesus told his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.” Matthew 16:24
Only yesterday, I was playing my 7-year-old son at chess, and he absolutely slaughtered me. Needless to say, I wasn’t happy about the game. I should have told him how good he was getting and encouraged him. Instead, I quickly went back into my office and continued to work.
We are selfish. Think about the last few times you have gotten frustrated with your children. Are they not circumstances where you were trying to do one thing that you thought was important, and your child required attention to be given to them instead?
A major reason why parenting is difficult is not because of our children, but because we are selfish. We live in a society that encourages selfish behavior and diminishes the value of family time. As a society, we drop our children off at school for the day, pick them up, take them to the daycare at the gym, and pick them up an hour later. We cram some food in their mouths just in time to put them to bed. The result is that many kids only get family time on the weekends. Even on the weekends, parents rely on the church to teach their children Scripture and they do not take up the sword in their own home (Hebrews 4:12-14, Ephesians 6:4). Society has ripped away all teaching and leading responsibility from parents.
Teachers, daycare workers, and grandparents end up watching our children more than we do.
There is a fine line between “needing rest and alone time” and “failing to do our God given job”. Of course, you need rest. Of course, you will need some breaks. But when does it cross the line? As a family, you should have expectations about where that line exists. If other people are spending more time with your child than you are, then they are raising your child more than you are. This is simple math. If other people are spending more time with your child than you are, then they are shaping your child more than you are.
Being a parent means that sometimes our desires are put on hold. The world wants to convince you this is a bad thing. However, Scripture tells us that self-denial is a mark of a disciplined Christian (Proverbs 12:1, 1 John 2:15, James 4:4, Hebrews 12:11).
4. Culture is spiraling downward.
Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. Romans 12:2
As social media continues to rage, the world only becomes more and more connected. While there is some redeeming quality to this, it also gives degeneracy easy access into your home. A lot does not need to be said at this point. This point is self-evident.
As society continues into the spiral that it is in, Christian parents have difficult decisions to make. These ethical decisions involve matters of increasing tech and A.I., social media, identity issues, the value of life, nihilism, the role of government, and society's growing hatred for God. There are difficult days ahead for Christian parents.
5. Spiritual disciplines are fading amongst Christians.
My son, do not despise the Lord's discipline or be weary of his reproof, for the Lord reproves him whom he loves, as a father the son in whom he delights. Proverbs 3:11-12
Sometimes it is important for us to remember this fact: we are not the first Christians. As Christians, we are not in isolation. If you could take a peek in a Christian household two-hundred years ago, you would see a rich heritage that has tragically ended. Parents used to take their children through Scripture every evening. They used to catechize their children. They used to pray with their children. They used to engage in theological conversation to stimulate Biblical understanding.
In the modern Christian family home, it is rare for the family to all pray together. When prayer is done, it is an obligatory prayer before dinner. Let’s be honest: everyone is just thinking about the food.
In the modern Christian family home, it is rare to see the family read Scripture together. Simply put: the main culprit of a lack of family Bible reading is that most parents do not understand Scripture well enough to explain it to their children. This is an unfortunate reality.
Parenting is hard. But do you want to know what you can do to make it easier? 1.) Read Scripture yourself. Often. 2.) Read Scripture with your family. Let it cut you up (Hebrews 4:12-14). Be vulnerable to it’s authority. As you read Scripture, pair prayer along with it. If you do these two disciplines (Scripture and prayer), you will be on the right track in your parenting. Other dominoes will fall afterward.
It is a difficult task. But it is also an amazing one.
Need more help in your parenting? Don’t we all! Join us for our upcoming ROC Classes on Parenting in Proverbs. Teaching series starts 4/23 at 9:00-9:30 in The Well Classroom for six weeks.
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